Fathers and Daughters

First i must appologise ,this may not be the place for this but this is my safety net place and for my well being i felt the need to post , I remember someone asked me why i had followed Richard Armitage for all these years without fail 18+,as many of you who know me will know he has unwittingly got me through some real bad times in my life,and again some of you who know me will know lately times have been real bad .                                           Last few days have been extremly hard allthough i am trying to come out and brave this world ,tonight i watched what many would think was a run of the mill film with Russel Crowe but the subject was way to close for comfort ,but i was compelled to watch and allthough it broke my heart on so many levels it also brought back good memories  which i have been lacking of late                                                                                                                                  For those who were raised or had that real close relationship with there father they will get this film  i have one dear friend like me will know what i mean ,                                                      My father was the man i was going to marry he had as i thought back as a youngster no faults was perfection ,i searched my whole life never found that one who could reach hi,s hights ,but the sad truth my father had a lot of faults ,was a gambler quite weak where people were concerened trusted to easily wanted everyone to be happy no matter what  he would bend over backwards for that to happen who ever friends family strangers ,you may wonder some of those cant be classed as faults .but in being the man he was whom i worshiped and adored  my life growing up was turbulent to say the least  i wont go into details but because of a turbulent time as a younster i was too trusting so easy to please anyone for fear they would leave .it would take a special women to have coped with my father ,but i was that women in child and adulthood ,from learning to dance by standing on his feet as a young tiny thing to attending as his plus one when i was older (15) i was by then a very old 15 he relied on me as much as i relied on him ,unfortunatly it does not always bode well when you put a person on a pedastal,my later abuses and problems with the men that came into my life i know now were not my fault but that longing to please and find that person who would care for me like my father had unconditionaly was a huge problem ,probably in the end my undoing ,when my father passed away i hated the fact as so many people had in my life left me ,i expected more from him he always promised he would be there forever , the man i loved had let me down ,now as i try to get better through ill health and much more i know he perhapes shielded me to well from what life may throw at us and i have blamed him for not being here when i so needed him ,am  in a way sad my daughter doesnt know that feeling i had with my father ,i have tried to be both parents to her but failed ,but in a way perhapes she is better not having great expectations ,and as she approches her birthday on monday i look at a fine women with much strengh and courage she looks after me ,works fulltime and never moans my father would be so proud if he was here ,                                                                                                                                        So going back to why i follow our Richard for so long is   ITS SAFE  A MAN THAT CANT HURT ME ABUSE ME I WILL SETTLE FOR THAT QUITE CONTENT and no matter what hi,s views he is kind careing and thats way enough for me in a world where kindness is needed more then ever  Continue reading

DIPPING MY TOE IN THE WATER.

Am dipping my toe in the water ,still afraid i may drown ,doesnt make sense been swimming for years always playing the clown ,                                                                                        You see am missing my friends so badly it hurts, and day to day i try to dip my toe in the water trying to swim not drown,                            My doctors and counseller say i,m doing well improving day by day ,                                           but the fear is still there i tremble and shake it just wont just go away ,                                                 But am still going to dip my toe in the water because friends mean more to me then trying to stay afloat ..what will be will be ..                                                                                                            I want to be the person i was   reliable funny and bright   so will keep dipping my toe in the water untill i find the way back and make it right  ,To friends old and new ,and hope there still there for the laura they knew ,i want to say sorry i want to be brave i want my life back and to stop digging my grave ,so bear with this girl who loves you all so much am dipping my toe in the water and will keep going and going i  wont stop ,                                                        To friends old and new  its been hard without you but your strength and kindthoughts kept me going and that without doubt is so true                                                                                       so if like me you get scared or feel blue  just dip your toe in the water be brave  its ok  there is a safety net and its all of you , Good bless and thankyou  HAPPY MONDAY LOVELIES   love laura  (and nae wearing wellies ) dedicated to ,Candida maxine terri, Buffy ,Cyn ,kathie , keyla ,Gretchen (all the HAREM GIRLS ) Denise ,Andrea and all those i know  because your not in print your still thought as much  love you all xxx Continue reading

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